Divorce is rarely easy. It is an emotional rollercoaster, and when you add financial stress to the mix, things can get complicated fast. One of the most frustrating situations we see at our firm is when one spouse discovers that marital money, money that should have been saved for the family or split during the divorce, has been spent on someone else.
In the legal world, we call this “dissipation of marital assets.” If your spouse has been spending money on a paramour (an affair partner), you likely have a lot of questions. Is that money just gone? Can you get it back? How does the court handle this?
We believe that understanding your rights is the first step toward a fair outcome. In Maryland, the law has very specific rules about what counts as wasting money and how the court can fix the balance.
What exactly is dissipation?
At its simplest, dissipation happens when one spouse intentionally spends or uses up marital property for a purpose that has nothing to do with the marriage. This usually happens right around the time the marriage is breaking down or after the couple has already separated.
For it to count as dissipation in a Maryland court, the spending must meet a few criteria. It isn’t just about making a bad investment or buying a car you didn’t like. It is about moving money out of the “marital pot” so that the other spouse can’t get their fair share during the divorce.
When we talk about a paramour, the spending is almost always considered “non-family.” This includes things like:
- Paying for hotel rooms, flights or vacations for secret getaways
- Expensive dinners and drinks
- Gifts like jewelry, clothes, or electronics
- Paying for the other person’s rent or car loan
How do you prove your spouse wasted money?
In Maryland, the “burden of proof” is on you. This means if you are the one making the claim, you have to be the one to show the court the evidence. We believe that documentation is your best friend in these cases.
Does the court care about every single coffee or lunch?
Usually, no. Courts are looking for significant amounts of money or a clear pattern of spending that isn’t related to the family. To win a claim for dissipation, three elements typically must be established:
- The money was spent on non-family items. If the money went to a girlfriend or boyfriend, this is usually easy to prove because that person is not part of the marital unit.
- The spending was intentional. You have to show that your spouse spent the money on purpose to reduce the amount of property available to be split.
- The timing matters. Most dissipation happens when the marriage is failing. If your spouse spent money on a hobby ten years ago when things were great, the court likely won’t count that. If they spent $10,000 on a diamond necklace for someone else two months before filing for divorce, that is a different story.
Once you show that the money was spent, the ball is in your spouse’s court. They have to explain to the judge why that spending was actually for a “family purpose.” If they can’t give a good explanation, the court can move forward with a remedy.
What is the ‘three-part test’ in Maryland?
Maryland courts use a specific framework to decide if dissipation occurred. We often walk our clients through this step-by-step so they know what to expect.
First, the court looks at whether the property was spent on something that didn’t benefit the family. Second, they look at whether it was done to reduce the funds available for the “equitable distribution” (the fair split) of assets. Finally, they look at the intent.
Unlike some other nearby jurisdictions, Maryland specifically requires “intent.” This means your spouse had to know what they were doing. They were intentionally wasting the money. This is why looking at bank statements and credit card bills is so important. We look for large withdrawals, transfers to accounts you don’t recognize, or charges at luxury stores for items you never saw.
What happens if the money is already gone?
This is the question we hear most often. “April, if they already spent the money at a casino or on a vacation with their new partner, how can I get it back?”
The answer is a “phantom asset.”
In Maryland, if a judge finds that your spouse dissipated assets, they treat that money as if it is still sitting in the bank account. For example, let’s say there is $100,000 left to split, but your spouse spent $20,000 on a paramour. The judge will do the math as if there is actually $120,000 to split.
When it comes time to divide the remaining property, the judge will give your spouse a smaller share to make up for the $20,000 they already “spent” on their affair. This is how the court levels the playing field. Even if the cash is physically gone, you still get your fair share of what should have been there.
Are there any exceptions?
Yes. Not every dollar spent during a separation is considered dissipation. People still have to live. We believe it is important to distinguish between “wasting money” and “living life.”
Common things that are NOT usually dissipation include:
- Reasonable living expenses: Paying rent, buying groceries, and keeping the lights on at a new apartment after moving out.
- Child expenses: Paying for the kids’ school, clothes, or sports.
- Legal fees: In many cases, using marital funds to pay for a divorce lawyer is considered a necessary expense, though this can sometimes be debated depending on the source of the funds.
- Ordinary business expenses: If your spouse runs a business and has normal costs, that isn’t dissipation.
However, if those “living expenses” become excessive, like renting a $10,000-a-month penthouse when you used to live in a modest home, the court might take a second look.
How do we start the process?
If you suspect your spouse is wasting money, the first step is usually “discovery.” This is a formal legal process where we ask for financial records. We can look at:
- Bank statements
- Credit card history
- Investment account activity
- Venmo, PayPal, or Zelle history
Sometimes, the evidence is hidden in plain sight. A “business trip” that includes a charge for two people at a romantic resort is a major red flag. A large cash withdrawal right before a weekend away is another.
We believe that the earlier you look into these things, the better. If you wait until the very end of your divorce to bring up dissipation, it can be harder to track down the records and prove the intent.
Why a friendly, strategic approach works best
Dealing with an affair is emotional. It is easy to want to “punish” the other person in court. However, Maryland is an equitable distribution state, not a “punishment” state. The court isn’t there to judge your spouse’s morals, but they are there to protect your financial interests.
Our goal is to stay focused on the numbers. We want to make sure you walk away from your marriage with the resources you need to start your next chapter. Whether that means keeping the house or getting a larger share of the retirement accounts to balance out the money your spouse spent, we are here to help you navigate that.
If you are worried about your financial future or think your spouse is hiding or wasting assets, let’s talk.
